Okay... now remember that I'm 'old school' here. When I use the term 'outing', I don't mean broadcasting that someone's gay. I use it in it's actual meaning, such as I am going on an outing with my daughter this weekend to Montreal. It's not always about the gays, ya know... And while I'm at it, we're taking back the fucking rainbow, too...
But I digress... So this weekend will see my eldest daughter and myself heading out to Montreal. The plan is to stop in on my mother for a short visit, then venture downtown for a stopover at 'La Charcuterie hébraique de Montréal', or as normal human beings around the world know it: Schwartz's! For any of you who have never had the experience of dining at Schwartz's, this landmark Montreal deli has been there operating in the same fashion since 1928. No shit! They serve what has to be considered by far, the very best smoked meat to be found anywhere in the known Universe. Their list of customers is a veritable 'Who's Who' of world celebrities, but never mind that... that just means that some rich folk have good taste too.
What's that you say? New York delis?? Fehhhh!!! Please... don't make me laugh! Oy vey!! Are you meshuguna?? In my very best Jackie Mason voice, I say to you: "A candle they couldn't hold to this place!!" I recall when I used to live in Montreal, when asked about where to go for some Montreal smoked meat, we would send the tourists to Ben's on De Maisonneuve Blvd., or to Myer Dunn's on Ste.Catherine Street. Oh, sure... I was always a big fan of Dunn's as well... but for the absolute best, you had to make the trek up Saint Laurent (The Main) and stand in line like everyone else. We wouldn't tell the tourists about Schwartz's... That was for us locals...
Schwartz's is not just a deli or a diner. It's not just a 'food experience'. To some, Schwartz's is too cramped, too busy, too noisy... yet it's all part of the Schwartz's experience. You're hustled inside by one of the staff who will lead you to one of the small rows of tables that has a free chair or two. Private seating? HAH!! Forget it. You'll be lucky if you end up sitting with the person you came in with... They shoehorn you in between total strangers, then whirl away to get your water.
Seconds later, they're back waiting to take your order. If you're a 'newbie', it's always good to decide what you'll have while you're waiting in line. These lads are all go-go-go and there is a line of hungry, salivating people out there on the sidewalk waiting to take your place! Get a move on!! The smoked meat brisket comes in three categories for your sandwich or platter. Lean, medium and fat. You can order one or several sandwiches, or you can order the platter. The platter comes heaped with smoked meat brisket goodness, enough to 'build' yourself at least 4 good-sized sandwiches. Fries are always optional. By the way, to avoid making this particular faux-pas... ordering a smoked meat sandwich without one of their signature kosher dills, is pretty much unthinkable. They probably wouldn't slap you for doing so, but they really, really should...
So... following this gastronomical delight, we will then meander southwards towards the old part of town by the docks. Old Montreal... home to cobblestone streets and the Marché Bonsecours, where pedestrians rule. There are no end to the shops, boutiques, restaurants and pubs. The many, many outdoor 'terrasses' are the perfect place to cool one's heels while sipping on a cold drink and playing at being the fashion police. It's only considered rude to do this by the way, if you break out into braying laughter while pointing at someone. Such are the rules of the game, I'm told.
So yes... I am looking forward with great anticipation to this weekend. It will provide us with some quality Daddy-daughter time. Something there has been far too little of over the years, I fear.
I'm pretty excited...
But I digress... So this weekend will see my eldest daughter and myself heading out to Montreal. The plan is to stop in on my mother for a short visit, then venture downtown for a stopover at 'La Charcuterie hébraique de Montréal', or as normal human beings around the world know it: Schwartz's! For any of you who have never had the experience of dining at Schwartz's, this landmark Montreal deli has been there operating in the same fashion since 1928. No shit! They serve what has to be considered by far, the very best smoked meat to be found anywhere in the known Universe. Their list of customers is a veritable 'Who's Who' of world celebrities, but never mind that... that just means that some rich folk have good taste too.
What's that you say? New York delis?? Fehhhh!!! Please... don't make me laugh! Oy vey!! Are you meshuguna?? In my very best Jackie Mason voice, I say to you: "A candle they couldn't hold to this place!!" I recall when I used to live in Montreal, when asked about where to go for some Montreal smoked meat, we would send the tourists to Ben's on De Maisonneuve Blvd., or to Myer Dunn's on Ste.Catherine Street. Oh, sure... I was always a big fan of Dunn's as well... but for the absolute best, you had to make the trek up Saint Laurent (The Main) and stand in line like everyone else. We wouldn't tell the tourists about Schwartz's... That was for us locals...
Schwartz's is not just a deli or a diner. It's not just a 'food experience'. To some, Schwartz's is too cramped, too busy, too noisy... yet it's all part of the Schwartz's experience. You're hustled inside by one of the staff who will lead you to one of the small rows of tables that has a free chair or two. Private seating? HAH!! Forget it. You'll be lucky if you end up sitting with the person you came in with... They shoehorn you in between total strangers, then whirl away to get your water.
Seconds later, they're back waiting to take your order. If you're a 'newbie', it's always good to decide what you'll have while you're waiting in line. These lads are all go-go-go and there is a line of hungry, salivating people out there on the sidewalk waiting to take your place! Get a move on!! The smoked meat brisket comes in three categories for your sandwich or platter. Lean, medium and fat. You can order one or several sandwiches, or you can order the platter. The platter comes heaped with smoked meat brisket goodness, enough to 'build' yourself at least 4 good-sized sandwiches. Fries are always optional. By the way, to avoid making this particular faux-pas... ordering a smoked meat sandwich without one of their signature kosher dills, is pretty much unthinkable. They probably wouldn't slap you for doing so, but they really, really should...
So... following this gastronomical delight, we will then meander southwards towards the old part of town by the docks. Old Montreal... home to cobblestone streets and the Marché Bonsecours, where pedestrians rule. There are no end to the shops, boutiques, restaurants and pubs. The many, many outdoor 'terrasses' are the perfect place to cool one's heels while sipping on a cold drink and playing at being the fashion police. It's only considered rude to do this by the way, if you break out into braying laughter while pointing at someone. Such are the rules of the game, I'm told.
So yes... I am looking forward with great anticipation to this weekend. It will provide us with some quality Daddy-daughter time. Something there has been far too little of over the years, I fear.
I'm pretty excited...
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