Friday, July 11, 2008

On lifejackets for dogs...

I would like to begin by stating that yes, I am an animal lover. No I do not collect them or imprison them to prove to other people that I do love animals, or to fill some horrible void in my life. But believe me, I do love animals. Just ask my better half how moronic I can become around dogs, or how I react when I see earth-pigs (groundhogs) as we're riding along. They're just the cutest little buggers ever. I also believe that I have a fairly healthy outlook on where they fit in to the overall scheme of things. No... I do not treat animals like people, or people like animals (for as much as some might indeed deserve it...).

With this said and out of the way, I have to tell you that there are people who phone up our services enquiring about lifejackets for dogs and cats. Transport Canada's Safety Equipment section here in Ottawa, sets the standards for and approves life-saving equipment for small and large commercial vessels, as well as for pleasure craft.

Life-saving equipment on vessels includes the following:

- distress signals
- emergency boats
- immersion suits
- lifeboats- lifebuoys
- life jackets
- marine evacuation systems

This is life-saving equipment designed, tested and approved for human beings, not animals. Please do not ask us: "And which section of the government does the same thing for animals?" Show some semblance of intellect, for the love of God... would ya!!??

The gubmint does not test or approve (and they certainly don't design or research...) life jackets or PFDs for animals of any type. Period! Before you ask me who does, I haven't the foggiest. I have never had the urge to look that up. Asking me this is the same as enquiring about why the government doesn't make blast vests for earth-pigs that might find themselves in the middle of an urban development project. The sad thing is that for some of you having read this, you're now gonna start wondering why in fact they haven't.

I have a news flash for pet owners: DOGS CAN SWIM!! IT'S INSTINCTIVE!!

Let's face it... if you bring your animals somewhere you think they'll NEED a life jacket, you're not only an idiot but a bad pet owner as well. You clearly shouldn't be entrusted with the life of another living creature. You're in the same league as people who phone us up and bitch that they can't find a life jacket to fit their 1 month old child... D-Uuuhhh... Can we say: A-D-O-P-T-I-O-N, kiddies? Or better yet: "Ward of the State"?

Why not have: "Hi! I live in a fuckin' trailer!!" tattoed on your forehead...

Gimme a break!

No comments: