Thursday, February 18, 2010

A friggin' battleship, you say...???

So one of my cohorts was lucky enough to receive the following call from Dartmouth, NS this morning. Apparently it was from a Navy man who is part of Canada's East Coast Fleet.

He wanted M-A to believe that he was in fact "the captain of a battleship...". Now, I don't know who he thought he was talking to, but clearly he was trying to create an undue impression of his overall worth to mankind.

Canada's Navy does not possess ANY "battleships", per se. In fact, I would have to go on record as saying that it never has. Yes, we have guided missile frigates (FFGs) of the CPF class, we have guided missile destroyers (DDGs), as in the remaining Tribal class destroyers, we have Victoria Class submarines (ex-British Upholder Class), we have fleet supply ships (AORs), we have Coastal Patrol Vessels, which are manned by a mixture of regular and reserve force naval members, we have scads of auxillary vessels... but we have absolutely NO cruisers, certainly NO battleships and while I'm at it, since the paying off of HMCS Bonaventure in 1970, we don't have any aircraft carriers either.

The USS Missouri (BB-63), USS Iowa (BB-61) and the USS New Jersey (BB-62), are real, honest-to-Jesus battleships.

The last large naval ships the Canadian Navy had on their roster, back in the WW2 days of the Royal Canadian Navy (RCN), were HMCS Uganda (later named HMCS Quebec) and HMCS Ontario. Neither of these were battleships, by the way. They were only light cruisers. The HMCS Uganda was a Crown Colony Class Light Cruiser (Ceylon), which was laid down at the British Vickers-Armstrong Walker shipyard in 1939. She was transferred to the RCN on Trafalgar Day (21 Oct) 1944. She was last de-commissioned as HMCS Quebec in 1956. HMCS Ontario was a Minotaur Class Light Cruiser, which was laid down in 1941 as HMS Minotaur, at the Belfast shipyards of Harland & Wolff. She was last decommissioned by the RCN in October of 1958.

So in the words of my co-worker M-A, the call went something like this:

The caller started out by saying he wanted some information on the "boat license thing that you need for the boat". He then actually corrected himself by saying: "Oh no... the card to operate the boat..."
He then informed me that he's been in the Canadian Navy for 24 years now, and that he was the captain of a battleship in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia...

I explained to him that if he wanted to operate a pleasure craft, he would require the PCOC, even if he was in the military. I told him that there were many people that had served in the military for more than 21 years and they still had to get the card in order to comply with the law.

I advised him that if he had a one of many eligible Marine Safety Certificates issued by Transport Canada, he only had to show it to a particular course provider and that they would provide him with a Pleasure Craft Operator Card.

He then went off again about being in the Navy and that he was a "captain of a battleship".

I then proceeded to name a few of the TC - Marine Safety Certificates that I thought he might have. When I mentioned the MED-A4 certificate he sort of cut me off and said: "So I can bring an MED certificate and they'll give me a card...???" Obviously I corrected him and said: "Well, it's actually the MED-A4 certificate specifically.

Again he cut me off by saying: "We'll see about that..."

I was going to offer him the website for the list of accredited course providers, when he hung up on me.

Apparently he was less than pleased with the information I had to provide him with.


So here is a lad that requires not only a reality check, but a naval history lesson. I dearly wish I could have gotten that call. And he's been in the Navy for 24 years, has he...? And he's the skipper on a goddamn battleship, is he...??? Just goes to show you that some people are just beyond education. I'm gonna guess that this individual has never served a single day in anyone's Navy, much less ours. And if by any remote chance he is an officer serving somewhere, I'd advise him to shut his yammer before the other sub-lieutenants notice just how dumb he is...

That's an old Navy joke. But he probably won't get it...

No comments: