Some wanker from 'across the pond'...

This Monday morning, we were greeted by the following e-mail in our Inbox:

From: Phlilip***
Sent: February 6, 2010 9:13 AM
To:Subject: Information please
"Hi,
Can you advise me please! I've booked flights and accommodation to Vancouver Island for September this year, yet when I tried to purchase an online fishing license for 5 days from the 9th September I was informed I could not proceed because the fishing season ended before my license expired!
This has come as a bit of a shock to me to say the least!
Is this correct!!
Regards,
Philip ***"

Dutifully, we replied to Mr. *** and provided him with a description of the activities performed by the regional *** offices in the Pacific Region and included address, phone and fax numbers, 2 e-mail addresses (including one which responds specifically to enquiries regarding licensing) and the Pacific Regional website. In brief, everything he could have possibly wanted to contact the proper regional authorities, who would best be able to answer any concerns or questions he might have, regarding his fishing license. Right...??? Right...!!!

Comes his reply this afternoon:

-----Original Message-----
From: Phlilip***
Sent: Tuesday, February 09, 2010 2:17 PM
To: ***, *** ***
Subject: RE: Information please

"In the UK we call a response like your ' the shunt' absolutely bloody useless."

Seriously...??? Well here in Canada, we call arrogant young upstarts like you 'the cunt'... also absolutely bloody useless.

There are a good many things I would have LIKED to have replied with... Like how the whole of the UK fits seven times within the Province of Québec alone... Like how we're not your personal bloody travel agency. Like how Canada is a mind-bogglingly big country and no, we don't all know one another on a first name basis. Like if I wanted any shit from him, I'd squeeze his head. The list goes on...

However, remaining absolutely professional as per the norm, I drafted the following:

Dear Mr. ***,

Thank you for your email dated 09 February 2010, requesting information on recreational fishing in the Pacific Region of Canada.

Unfortunately, since our General Enquiries service here in Ottawa, Ontario, some 4,000 miles distant from the Province of British Columbia, only offers basic information on the programs and services of ********* and ****** ****** / ******** ***** *****, we cannot provide the information you requested.

We have, however, forwarded you the specific contacts for the regional ********* and ****** ****** offices in British Columbia, which regulate both commercial and recreational fishing in that area of this country.

You are invited to contact those very same offices directly for any further information.

Please do not hesitate to contact us should you require additional assistance.

Sincerely,

Us.

This lad may claim to be a resident of the UK, but in the overall scheme of things, he sounds more American than anything else. I reckon 'fucking assholes' truly are a universal phenomenon... as if soccer hooliganism and the Brits' total inability to consume alcohol in any socially acceptable manner, hadn't already taught us that.