Wednesday, October 22, 2008

On chain letters...

The internet, for as much as it can be an endless source of useful information, is also full of junk, spam and bullshit. That's the problem with an unfiltered milieu. Every so often, despite our best defenses, we will find in our e-mail inboxes, that most annoying of communications: the chain-letter.

I do not suffer from the guilt of not forwarding however many billion chain-letters have been sent to me, by people who actually believe that if you send them on, some poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead, will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show. To be brutally honest, I delete them as soon as I realize what they are.

Is it possible that there are people stupid enough to believe that Bill Gates is going to give them and everyone to whom they send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are they? Or: "Hey!! Check this out... If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by Christina Aguillera next week!" What a bunch of bullshit.

Yes, it's entirely possible that the evil chain-letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain-letter that was started by Peter in 5 A.D. and brought to this country by midget lesbian pilgrims on Leif Ericson's longboat.

Fuck 'em.

And the very worse of these chain-letters, are the ones which nowadays use the pretext of supporting our Canadian troops in Afghanistan. I don't even care that the vast majority of the soldiers depicted are in fact American troops, serving in Iraq. But whoever decided to trivialize, demean and mock our men and women in uniform, by making them the subject of a fucking chain-letter, deserves to be hung up by their eyelids and beat in their nutsack until they blink!! They also have the gall to include such gems as: "I'd better not see this chain-letter not forwarded or deleted!", as if these idiots actually have access to my personal e-mail account and settings. They want to make us believe that their sense of patriotism and 'esprit de corps' with our military is right up there in the stratosphere, while having the nerve to call into question ours. You're not worthy to tie the fucking laces on their boots, you senseless, moronic, attention-seeking civvie!!!

If people actually, really wanted to show support for our troops overseas or here at home, there are many official websites where they can do so, where our military men and women will be able to see such posts. Facebook has several... These chain-letters strike me as a means of simply having others believe that you support our troops, without actually having to do anything. Even forwarding on a photo-montage of our troops, fine. But don't insult them by making them the subject of a chain-letter.

If you're going to forward something to me, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the: "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 million times.

I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain-letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it!! If you receive any type of chain-letter which challenges your patriotism, your intelligence, your ethics or your compassion for others, delete it!! If you receive a chain-letter which promises to bring you luck, love, riches, fame or popularity, delete it!! If you are desperate enough to buy into any of these, you have way more issues than can be discussed here. If it's funny, by all means send it on. We can all use a little more humour in our day...

Don't piss people off by trying to make them feel guilty about some leper in Botswana with no teeth, who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email. Forwarding chain-letters does not make you a good or a better person, it does not show others that you care or that you have a soul. What is does show people is that you are gullible, have a low sense of self-esteem and are desperate to be recognized, even if it's only by attaching your name to some piece of unintelligible drivel.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice fucking day.

P.S. Send me 15 bucks...

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