"Not all those who wander are lost". - J.R.R. Tolkien
Creton facile
17 years ago
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Some useful office phrases...
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Have a great day, y'all… :)
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Have a great day, y'all… :)
Monday, July 6, 2009
What is a hero...?
I was reading an article which described the repatriation of Cpl. Nick Bulger, 3rd Battalion, Princess Patricia Canadian Light Infantry, as well as the deaths of MCpl. Patrice Audet, 430 Tactical Helicopter Squadron and Cpl. Martin Joannette, 3rd Battalion, Royal 22e Régiment.
It is not because of how a man dies, that we feel inclined to give him the title of 'hero'. It is rather because of how he lived.
Welcome home to you all.
Rest in Peace.
It is not because of how a man dies, that we feel inclined to give him the title of 'hero'. It is rather because of how he lived.
Welcome home to you all.
Rest in Peace.
"What will the neighbours think...???"
Probably a couple of weeks ago, I got up in a particularily good mood. As a matter of fact, I think it was upon returning from the Blue Ridge Mountains. At any rate, my wifey had gone to work and I was standing out on our back deck in my pjs with a cup of coffee, at about 0900hrs. I suppose I should add that I have never had a good hair day, first thing in the morning. But being a typical guy, my hair is the least of my concerns at that time of day. My thoughts are more along the lines of: "Is there coffee? Is it good and strong? Is it making it's way to my mouth?" Trust me... hair does not even make it's way onto my agenda until 1100hrs or so.So I'm feeling good. Playful, even. "This is never a good thing", my better half would say. As I stand there, feeling very much grandiose and surveying my minuscule kingdom, I happen to spy a neighbour of mine, also standing out on her deck and looking curiously in my direction. I do not know this person and we have never spoken before. Our eyes made contact. I raised my coffee to her with my good arm, while my bad arm contorted into some Howie Mandel-esque gesture. I flash her a maniacal grin and yell across our yards: "I dressed my...self!!!"
Then I just stood there, looking ever so pleased with myself. My would-be neighbour did not reply. She actually broke eye contact and quickly disappeared inside her house, drawing the curtains after her. Hmmph! Some neighbour... Ah well, I guess that's how you figure out who you want to talk with and who you don't. If they had've had a sense of humour, they would have had a witty comeback, or at least would have laughed. I told my wife about this particular encounter a while afterwards and she laughed saying: "Oh my God... what are the neighbours going to think!?!??" Now see... she is someone worth talking to. She gets it. Hmmmm... Maybe that's while we're still together 12 years down the road.
A ride out to Casselman...
Sunday morning at about 0630hrs, I stepped out onto our back deck in my housecoat and slippers. I was nursing a fresh cup of java and it was one of those early-morning moments when everything felt right with the world. For once, there were no masses of clouds stacked up in the heavens and the sound of rain was nowhere to be heard. The sky was blue, the air was cool and moist and I had a hankering to have breakfast out. It seemed like forever since the weather had been decent enough to ride in.
I had asked my better half if she wanted to go with me, either on the bike or to follow in the van. Again, she declined under the pretext that she did not trust my recovering arm. Besides, after recently deciding to get the house ready for sale, she presumably had a mountain of things which she clearly thought she could get done in the time it would have taken to go for breakfast. Fine... I don't know who she thinks she's fooling, herself or me. She is simply afraid to get back on the bike with me. She will always be afraid to. Now that she has seen me hurt, I suppose my aura of invincibility is gone. Maybe she finally realizes that all the horror stories she's heard are true. Those cagers ARE out to get us... It's time to think about getting rid of her riding gear. God knows she'll never be able to ride on her own, for the very same reason. Fear. Ah well... Her loss. It's a sad thing.
As it stood, it was just as well. I have always loved early morning rides. Something I had been unable to organize with the two of us going. Riders, regardless of sex or age, are low maintenance creatures. It doesn't take us an hour or two to get ready to ride. That's time that's way better spent in the saddle than in front of a mirror. Of course, our definitions of what constitutes 'early', have always been at odds. Be that as it may, I quickly got dressed and rolled Baby out of the shop. It was 0715hrs when I thumbed her to life and backed out onto the street.
I headed East down Innes, stopping in at Blocklbusters to return two movies from the previous night. The crisp morning air felt good. I could hardly wait to get out into the country. Back out on Innes, I motored along sedately, beating the light at Trim. I next took the right-hander at Mitch Owens, which would take me as far as Embrun. I took my time, settling in at a comfy 90kmh. Everywhere I looked, the fields were lush and verdant. It smelled great!! I was alert for deer, but unfortunately there were no sightings on this ride.
I rolled into the big left-hand turn at the end of Mitch Owens, which leads onto Rte. 33. This road then turns into Rte. 28 when it crosses the 417. I stopped at the Ultramar service station there, as gas was selling for 0.896 a litre. I topped up Baby and we got back on the road. I noticed that this entire stretch had been resurfaced lately and it was a very pleasant ride. Within 10 minutes, we had reached Embrun.
From Embrun, it was a quick left-hand turn onto Rte. 3, which would lead right into Casselman. This was a pretty little road and I didn't even mind slowing down as I passed through the town itself. The roads were in good shape and I busied myself playing the 'dodge-the-manhole-cover' game. Once outside town, I brought her up to 90kmh and we loped along at a pleasant pace. It had been some time since I was last on these roads. I believe it was my first time back in this area since the accident. It was very much like visiting an old friend. The roads were the same, many in better condition than I remembered them. The area itself though, looked different. Fuller, greener... more alive, for some reason.
I rolled through Casselman a little after 0800hrs. It's a pleasant little town and has the North Nation River running through it. My destination for this morning, a quaint little restaurant just off Highway 417 called 'Brian's', came into view. I hung a left at the lights just before the on-ramp to the 417, followed by a sharp right, which led me into the parking lot. Brian's is bracketed on one side by a gas station and on the other by a Tim Horton's. There are usually a number of riders stopped for either Brian's or Tim's. It's a popular oasis for those who love running the country roads up in these parts. I parked Baby along side 3 other bikes, two Kawi crotch rockets and a Triumph Speed Triple.
The place was bustling, even for this hour of the day. I guess country folk don't tend to sleep in around here. A darling little girl led me to my seat, in a corner which used to house their Sunday-morning buffet. I exchanged nods with the three riders who owned the bikes outside. Hmmm... Guess there was no buffet here anymore. No matter. I plunked myself down and scanned the gathered assembly of patrons. The three other riders were sitting around the corner from me, just outside if my field of vision. So much for friendly banter...
By 0825, I at least had a cup of coffee in front of me and was awaiting to place my order. For as full as the place was (there was a family of seven sitting at a long table next to me...), there was only one greeter and oner wait-staff to take care of the tables, 70% of which were full. I had a feeling it was going to take a while. I finally got to place my order by about 0900hrs. I was on my second cup of coffee at the time. I ordered a plate called the Sahara. For all of $9.47, it contained 3 eggs, 3 sausages, 3 bacon, 1 slice of ham, hash browns, beans and toast. As a side, it came with 3 french toast and syrup. I'll have to tell ya right now, I couldn't finish it all... It was pretty tasty, although the eggs were done longer than what an easy-over ought to be. But hey... that's splittin' hairs.
Definitely well fed now, I paid up my bill and headed back outside. The air was a little warmer than it had been, but still wonderful for riding. It was all of 1015hrs and I decided to retrace my steps for going home. I flashed Baby up, backed her out of her spot and off we went. What a great feeling as we headed out over the bridge which spans the North Nation River. I remember thinking: "What are the less fortunate people of the world doing right now...?" We headed back out along Rte. 3 and at approximately 7km outside Casselman, Baby's odometer rolled over 58,000kms. Another milestone. I debated pushing on to Russel before heading North again, as I do like those roads that wind through those large, open fields. But as I came up to the turn-off for Rte. 28, I leaned Baby to the right.
The rest of the ride was totally uneventful and relaxing. The remainder of the afternoon was spent doing littyle odds and ends around the house. By 1830hrs, I figured I had spent enough of the day inside. I got changed out of my working gear and back into riding clothes. Once dressed, I took Baby for a little romp along Innes, through Cumberland and down Dunning Road to Old Montreal Road. From there we hung a left and headed back into town. Saw a large doe as we came up to Trim Road. We carried on until we were now on St.Joseph. I love travelling that section as it is filled with the aromas of so many restaurants and eateries.
Hitting Jeanna D'Arc, we turned left and headed back up to Innes, where we hooked left again and headed for home. Just a short little romp in the cool evening air, but one which did wonders for me. Now I was ready to settle in for a movie and the remainder of the evening...
I had asked my better half if she wanted to go with me, either on the bike or to follow in the van. Again, she declined under the pretext that she did not trust my recovering arm. Besides, after recently deciding to get the house ready for sale, she presumably had a mountain of things which she clearly thought she could get done in the time it would have taken to go for breakfast. Fine... I don't know who she thinks she's fooling, herself or me. She is simply afraid to get back on the bike with me. She will always be afraid to. Now that she has seen me hurt, I suppose my aura of invincibility is gone. Maybe she finally realizes that all the horror stories she's heard are true. Those cagers ARE out to get us... It's time to think about getting rid of her riding gear. God knows she'll never be able to ride on her own, for the very same reason. Fear. Ah well... Her loss. It's a sad thing.
As it stood, it was just as well. I have always loved early morning rides. Something I had been unable to organize with the two of us going. Riders, regardless of sex or age, are low maintenance creatures. It doesn't take us an hour or two to get ready to ride. That's time that's way better spent in the saddle than in front of a mirror. Of course, our definitions of what constitutes 'early', have always been at odds. Be that as it may, I quickly got dressed and rolled Baby out of the shop. It was 0715hrs when I thumbed her to life and backed out onto the street.
I headed East down Innes, stopping in at Blocklbusters to return two movies from the previous night. The crisp morning air felt good. I could hardly wait to get out into the country. Back out on Innes, I motored along sedately, beating the light at Trim. I next took the right-hander at Mitch Owens, which would take me as far as Embrun. I took my time, settling in at a comfy 90kmh. Everywhere I looked, the fields were lush and verdant. It smelled great!! I was alert for deer, but unfortunately there were no sightings on this ride.
I rolled into the big left-hand turn at the end of Mitch Owens, which leads onto Rte. 33. This road then turns into Rte. 28 when it crosses the 417. I stopped at the Ultramar service station there, as gas was selling for 0.896 a litre. I topped up Baby and we got back on the road. I noticed that this entire stretch had been resurfaced lately and it was a very pleasant ride. Within 10 minutes, we had reached Embrun.
From Embrun, it was a quick left-hand turn onto Rte. 3, which would lead right into Casselman. This was a pretty little road and I didn't even mind slowing down as I passed through the town itself. The roads were in good shape and I busied myself playing the 'dodge-the-manhole-cover' game. Once outside town, I brought her up to 90kmh and we loped along at a pleasant pace. It had been some time since I was last on these roads. I believe it was my first time back in this area since the accident. It was very much like visiting an old friend. The roads were the same, many in better condition than I remembered them. The area itself though, looked different. Fuller, greener... more alive, for some reason.
I rolled through Casselman a little after 0800hrs. It's a pleasant little town and has the North Nation River running through it. My destination for this morning, a quaint little restaurant just off Highway 417 called 'Brian's', came into view. I hung a left at the lights just before the on-ramp to the 417, followed by a sharp right, which led me into the parking lot. Brian's is bracketed on one side by a gas station and on the other by a Tim Horton's. There are usually a number of riders stopped for either Brian's or Tim's. It's a popular oasis for those who love running the country roads up in these parts. I parked Baby along side 3 other bikes, two Kawi crotch rockets and a Triumph Speed Triple.
The place was bustling, even for this hour of the day. I guess country folk don't tend to sleep in around here. A darling little girl led me to my seat, in a corner which used to house their Sunday-morning buffet. I exchanged nods with the three riders who owned the bikes outside. Hmmm... Guess there was no buffet here anymore. No matter. I plunked myself down and scanned the gathered assembly of patrons. The three other riders were sitting around the corner from me, just outside if my field of vision. So much for friendly banter...
By 0825, I at least had a cup of coffee in front of me and was awaiting to place my order. For as full as the place was (there was a family of seven sitting at a long table next to me...), there was only one greeter and oner wait-staff to take care of the tables, 70% of which were full. I had a feeling it was going to take a while. I finally got to place my order by about 0900hrs. I was on my second cup of coffee at the time. I ordered a plate called the Sahara. For all of $9.47, it contained 3 eggs, 3 sausages, 3 bacon, 1 slice of ham, hash browns, beans and toast. As a side, it came with 3 french toast and syrup. I'll have to tell ya right now, I couldn't finish it all... It was pretty tasty, although the eggs were done longer than what an easy-over ought to be. But hey... that's splittin' hairs.
Definitely well fed now, I paid up my bill and headed back outside. The air was a little warmer than it had been, but still wonderful for riding. It was all of 1015hrs and I decided to retrace my steps for going home. I flashed Baby up, backed her out of her spot and off we went. What a great feeling as we headed out over the bridge which spans the North Nation River. I remember thinking: "What are the less fortunate people of the world doing right now...?" We headed back out along Rte. 3 and at approximately 7km outside Casselman, Baby's odometer rolled over 58,000kms. Another milestone. I debated pushing on to Russel before heading North again, as I do like those roads that wind through those large, open fields. But as I came up to the turn-off for Rte. 28, I leaned Baby to the right.
The rest of the ride was totally uneventful and relaxing. The remainder of the afternoon was spent doing littyle odds and ends around the house. By 1830hrs, I figured I had spent enough of the day inside. I got changed out of my working gear and back into riding clothes. Once dressed, I took Baby for a little romp along Innes, through Cumberland and down Dunning Road to Old Montreal Road. From there we hung a left and headed back into town. Saw a large doe as we came up to Trim Road. We carried on until we were now on St.Joseph. I love travelling that section as it is filled with the aromas of so many restaurants and eateries.
Hitting Jeanna D'Arc, we turned left and headed back up to Innes, where we hooked left again and headed for home. Just a short little romp in the cool evening air, but one which did wonders for me. Now I was ready to settle in for a movie and the remainder of the evening...
Friday, July 3, 2009
And then I laughed and laughed...
Okay, here's the thing. For all of you out there who might think you have what it takes to become a member of an elite search and rescue organization, that regularly will put their lives on the line "so that others might live", stop yourselves before you sit down and draft your e-mail to them, would you? Remember first and foremost, that if you honestly expect someone to believe that you can grapple with the theory and mechanics of powered flight, let alone applying these skillfully while under extremely adverse conditions, you should at least be able to convince them that you can read and write in basic English. Not e-mail shorthand, not in emoticons, not in ebonics. In English...
Witness if you will, the literary gem that we received this morning:
"hey my name is eric and im very intrested in becoming a hellicoter rescue piolet and im wondering if ur collge offer tht or do i have to go some wher else plzz email me thk u".
To be honest, I am going to say that if I owned a hamster that had a steel plate in it's head, I'll bet I could teach it to do a far better job of texting than this. I can also state with some authority that in no Coast Guard radio transmission, will you ever use the term: "Fo' shizzle...".
I'm afraid the author of this particular e-mail is not quite ready to quit bagging groceries. I look at spell-check as being an insult to an even moderately educated human being. I do not believe in it's use. Every so often you may find a typo in this blog and I can live with that, though God knows I do spend some time editing. For as much as it pains me to say this, if you're sending out feelers for info on employment opportunities to the feds and you're simply either too lazy to re-read what you've just written or are actually incapable of spelling... USE YOUR SPELL-CHECK!!!
That way you just might dupe them into booking you for an initial selection appointment. From that point however, you're on your own... In the end, maybe such people would be better served if they simply practised the phrase: "Do you want fries with that?"
Witness if you will, the literary gem that we received this morning:
"hey my name is eric and im very intrested in becoming a hellicoter rescue piolet and im wondering if ur collge offer tht or do i have to go some wher else plzz email me thk u".
To be honest, I am going to say that if I owned a hamster that had a steel plate in it's head, I'll bet I could teach it to do a far better job of texting than this. I can also state with some authority that in no Coast Guard radio transmission, will you ever use the term: "Fo' shizzle...".
I'm afraid the author of this particular e-mail is not quite ready to quit bagging groceries. I look at spell-check as being an insult to an even moderately educated human being. I do not believe in it's use. Every so often you may find a typo in this blog and I can live with that, though God knows I do spend some time editing. For as much as it pains me to say this, if you're sending out feelers for info on employment opportunities to the feds and you're simply either too lazy to re-read what you've just written or are actually incapable of spelling... USE YOUR SPELL-CHECK!!!
That way you just might dupe them into booking you for an initial selection appointment. From that point however, you're on your own... In the end, maybe such people would be better served if they simply practised the phrase: "Do you want fries with that?"
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A happy Canada Day...
Canada Day was just great this year. I remember how last year's was spectacular as my Honey and I spent the day cruising the 1,000 Island Parkway, dropping into the Lone Star restaurant in Kingston for some yummy chicken fajitas and generally paying homage to the natural beauty in this part of the country. Nineteen days later, I was laying in a hospital bed, unsure about so many things after my 'unplanned get-off' from Baby.
This year was very different. My wife and I decided to scoop up our old neighbors from Lees Avenue and treat them to a movie. So the four of us went to see the Disney feature "Up", in 3D. My wife and I had already seen it previously and thoroughly enjoyed it. We figured that something light and comedic would be just the ticket. Turns out we were right. We all had a marvellous time. Following the movie, we returned home for a spell, where we simply chilled and got caught up on local news. We then headed out for some Chinese food at the Ruby King on St. Joseph Street. It was the first time there for all of us and their buffet fare was pretty good.
After eating way too much, we drove 'the Kids' as we call them, back home. There, we sat out in their charming little back yard, chatting with them and passing neighbors who dropped by. It was a great Canada Day, totally noise and stress free. We left our old neighborhood just before 2100hrs and headed back home to Orleans. We started to watch Benjamin Button, but I didn't last beyond the first hour or so...
This year was very different. My wife and I decided to scoop up our old neighbors from Lees Avenue and treat them to a movie. So the four of us went to see the Disney feature "Up", in 3D. My wife and I had already seen it previously and thoroughly enjoyed it. We figured that something light and comedic would be just the ticket. Turns out we were right. We all had a marvellous time. Following the movie, we returned home for a spell, where we simply chilled and got caught up on local news. We then headed out for some Chinese food at the Ruby King on St. Joseph Street. It was the first time there for all of us and their buffet fare was pretty good.
After eating way too much, we drove 'the Kids' as we call them, back home. There, we sat out in their charming little back yard, chatting with them and passing neighbors who dropped by. It was a great Canada Day, totally noise and stress free. We left our old neighborhood just before 2100hrs and headed back home to Orleans. We started to watch Benjamin Button, but I didn't last beyond the first hour or so...
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