On parachuting blind...

I was conversing with a friend the other day, when our talk turned to parachuting. He stated that not many blind people parachuted and asked me if I knew why that was.

Deciding to play along, I answered no, I did not know why.

Says he: "Have you ever heard a seeing eye dog at 12,000 feet?"

Carrying on the conversation, he asked me if I knew why women wore men's athletic cups when skydiving?

Again feigning ignorance, I answered: No.

Says he: "It's 'cause if they don't, they whistle like coke bottles on the way down!"

"Good one", I say. "You got any more?"

"Just one...", says he.

This lad's been taking skydiving lessons for a week now and he's pretty much got the drill down.

- Jump clear of the aircraft.

- Count slowly to 10,

- Pull the ripcord on the main chute,

- Look up... check the canopy and lines.

- If the main chute doesn't deploy... DON'T PANIC!

- Pull the ripcord on the reserve chute.

- Observe the deployment of the reserve chute.

- Bend the knees... feet together on landing.

- Drop and roll.

His big day comes and as the Cessna reaches the correct altitude, his coach gives him the thumbs up sign and taps him on the shoulder. He rises from the jump seat and makes his way to the open doorway, grabbing the wing strut to steady himself against the onrushing wind.

His instructor taps him on the helmet and he launches himself into the void, arching his back and spreading his limbs as he does so.

Slowly he counts to 10... then pulls the main ripcord.

Nothing.

His training kicks in and he refuses to give way to panic. Calmly he reaches for his reseve chute's ripcord. He pulls it free.

Again... nothing.

At that precise moment as he is hurtling earthward, he is passed by a body hurtling upwards!

Amazed, he screams out hopefully: "HEY!! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PARACHUTES????"

From the rapidly receding figure he hears: "Nooooo... Do you know anything about gas barbecues????"

A little motorcycle wisdom...

Every now and again, while cruising a motorcycle forum, I'll stumble upon some truisms about the wonderful world of riding. This gem of a list I found on our very own Canadian VTX Riders' website.

For those of you who ride or used to, many of these will make you smile and nod your head in agreement. For those of you who do not ride, it just might give you an inkling as to why we do:


Motorcycle Wisdom ....

- Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul.

- Life may begin at 30, but it doesn't get real interesting until about 60 mph.

- You start the game of life with a full pot of luck and an empty pot of experience. The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck.

- If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.

- Midnight bugs taste just as bad as noon time bugs.

- Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need.

- It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.

- The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rear view mirror.

- Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.

- Sometimes it takes a whole tank of fuel before you can think straight.

- Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.

- Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.

- Never do less than forty miles before breakfast.

- One bike on the road is worth two in the garage.

- Respect the person who has seen the dark side of motorcycling and lived.

- Young riders pick a destination and go. Old riders pick a direction and go.

- A good mechanic will let you watch without charging you for it.

- Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.

- Whatever it is, it's better to do it in the wind.

- Two-lane blacktop isn't a highway, it's an attitude.

- When you look down the road it seems to never end, but you better believe, it does.

- Winter is nature's way of telling you to polish.

- Motorcycle boots are NOT comfortable for walking. That's why they are called "motorcycle boots."

- People are like motorcycles; each is customized a bit differently.

- Sometimes the best communication happens when you are on separate bikes.

- Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil.

- The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome.

- A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2 a.m. to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.

- Catching a yellow jacket in your shirt at 70 mph can double your vocabulary.

- If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.

- There's something ugly about a NEW bike on a trailer.

- Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't. Be careful...

- Don't argue with an 18-wheeler, a bus, or even a car.

- Never be ashamed to unlearn an old habit.

- A long ride can clear your mind, restore your faith and use up a lot of fuel.

- If you can't get it going with bungee cords, wire and electrician's tape, it's serious.

- If you ride like there's no tomorrow, there won't be.

- Bikes parked out front mean good chicken-fried steak inside.

- There are old riders and there bold riders. There are NO old, bold riders.

- Always replace the cheapest parts first.

- You can forget what you do for a living when your knees are in the breeze.

- Chrome won't get you home… but it does look nice on the side of the road.

- Patience is the ability to keep your motor idling.

- Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out the car window.

- There are two types of people in this world; people who ride motorcycles and people who wish they could ride motorcycles.

- Never try to race an old geezer, he may have one more gear than you.

- Gray-haired riders don't get that way from pure luck.



Have a great day, y'all.

A fine Easter weekend...

So yes...Easter has now come and gone and I find myself riding into work today for the second day in a row. I could be tempted to say that riding season is now here, though there is still the odd day with snow in the forecast. So that might be a little premature. Still, I had a luxurious 5-day weekend to share with my Honey, all except for Saturday where she had to work a 7-hour shift.

We had no major plans, other than having 'the kids' over for Sunday brunch. We put in a couple of road trips to NY State (Massena, Ogdensburg and Watertown) on Thursday and Kingston on Monday, while I got to take Baby out for a couple of romps in between. I began my Saturday by thinking of riding down to Kingston. A few hours tooling around in that cold wind however, made me realize that it probably wouldn't be the best plan for a rider who is still convalescing. I settled for a day trip to Merrickville and a fine feed of fish 'n chips at the Goose and Gridiron.

http://www.c360.ca/merrickville/gg/

I also brought back a pound and a half of unbelievably tasty fudge, courtesey of their little Country Bumpkins' shop. I couldn't resist picking up a small cushion on which had been embroidered the truism: "You never see a motorcycle parked outside a psychiatrist's office". *Sigh!* I love Merrickville...

http://home.cogeco.ca/~countrybumpkins/

Still no movement of the tires I ordered from Honda Direct Line in Tennessee and the shiney bits ordered through XtremeRevolution in California, won't ship until the 20th of the month. No matter. There is still plenty to do and the tires on Baby at the moment will serve for a little while longer, though I will avoid taking her out in the wet for the time being. All the same, as I ordered the tires on the 30th of March, they should have at least been shipped by now, unless of course they're on back order. Hmmmm.... Must phone them later on today to investigate this matter.

Our little road trip to Kingston on Monday was wonderful. We managed to find a great matching set of wet weather gear, something we have both been lacking for years now. We bought this with a future trip to Cape Breton in mind. If the universe unfolds as it should, it will never rain again when we are visiting back home in Nova Scotia. Certainly not if we remember to bring our rain gear, at any rate. We topped off our visit by stopping at the Lone Star for supper, where they make the absolute best chicken fajitas I've ever had. As fate would have it, it was "all-you-can-eat Fajita Night". I pretty much had to be rolled outta there... It was great.

The drive back was spent spotting deer along the side of the road. As we headed North along the 416, we avoided an upright vacuum cleaner and other sundry junk which had been thrown onto the centre of the highway. This occurred near an overpass, about 2 klicks South of exit 25. I phoned it in to the OPP and discovered (as I had predicted to my better half...) that nobody had phoned it in before I had. So many people equipped with cell phones, lots of traffic and nobody wants to get involved. Go figure...

The rest of the drive home proved uneventful and we pulled into the driveway at about 2110hrs. All in all, a very restful and long weekend. Something that I had been hankering for, for some time now.

On Rick Mercer and being 'Torontarded'...

The following rant was taken from Rick Mercer's online blog...

Canadians love to talk about the weather - always have, and always will. It's what we do. We have always been passionate about the weather, but we have never been hysterical about the weather, and certainly we have never been afraid of the weather. But suddenly, that seems to be changing.

Now first, I thought this was a Toronto thing. Because when you move to Toronto you realize pretty quick that when it comes to the weather there are two parallel universes. There's what you hear about in the media, and then there's what you see out your window. You can wake up and turn on the news and you can see a lead story about a snow storm that slammed the city, how there were three-hundred accidents between 5 and 9 AM, how no flights took off. And the reporter on the scene is so panicked he sounds like he's reporting live from the bottom of a collapsed mine shaft.

And you think, "Oh my God, I had no idea, those poor people." But then you realize: hang on, I'm in Toronto, then you look out the window, there's three centimetres of snow on the ground and the kid across the street is walking his dog in his T-shirt. And you realize, there was no snow storm. There was no weather bomb. There were flurries. And then, it got windy and then the entire city ground to a halt.

It's why I invented the word "Torontarded." Good word, comes in handy, believe me. But before the rest of the country gets all cocky, know this: weather hysteria is spreading across this nation like some sort of demented low pressure system.We don't have forecasts anymore - we have weathertainment. And it's all designed to scare the hell out of you.

Cold weather and snow is now reported like a plague of locusts or raining frogs. Problem is, it's not a sign of a coming apocalypse - it's just business as usual in Canada. But tell that to the crowd at the Weather Network. You listen to them for five minutes, you wouldn't leave the house for five months.

This is the true north strong and free, and cold, and wet, and icy, and dark - sometimes all at once. It's why God invented long johns. This is Canada. We have winter. Life sucks, get a toque. And embrace it.

http://www.rickmercer.com/blog/index.cfm/2007/12/5/Weather-Nation

Rick Mercer, truly the funniest man on TV these days.

On customizing 'Baby'...

Since I first signed the papers for Baby, back in July of 2005, I have spent a few dollars in 'extras' on her. These were mainly for 'big ticket' items such as a new set of Vance & Hines pipes (for the engine to breathe out better), a new studded 2-up Mustang saddle (to take care of my back), K-Drive saddlebags (for travelling), a matching studded backrest (for my passenger's safety and comfort), a Scorpio alarm system (for security and lower insurance premiums), a KuryAkyn Hypercharger air system (for the engine to breathe in better), Aeromach 2-inch custom risers (for less stress on my back from reaching for the bars), KuryAkyn grips, pegs and passenger floorboards (again, comfort and security).

The Memphis Shades windshield came a little later on but was also a considerable expense, as I used a smaller one first, only to find it ineffective when riding 2-up. So I had to move up to a bigger (and more expensive...) Memphis Fats model. These greatly reduce wind-induced fatigue, road noise and buffeting, to say nothing of deflecting rocks, road dirt, insects and whatever else is airborne at the moment.

The Big Bike Parts radiator cover? That's simply insurance against damage from road shrapnel. I have yet to manufacture and install a metal guard plate for the plastic radiator coolant reservoir, located underneath the bike. One hole in this and you're pretty much screwed on the open road... The Progressive Suspension 412 shocks replaced the thoroughly unsatisfactory stock rear shocks and smoothed out the ride for both of us. Finally, the Big Bike Parts passing lamps are there for safety considerations (being seen and being able to see).

Recently, other than the new set of Avon Cobra tires I have ordered for my ride, it has truly been some time since I have spent any money on her. Other than gas, oil, filters and maintenance, of course. I believe the last item I graced her with, was that Mustang studded leather tank bra. Very chic... That was purchased over a year ago. I will deliberately not count the expense for bringing her back to rights after our little misadventure last July. Even the KuryAkyn forward control extensions, were simply a minor reward for having survived the fray. Those were necessities, not niceties. There are a myriad of items out there, both from the manufacturer and the aftermarket industry, which have been specifically crafted (or slapped together, in some instances...) for my make and model of bike.

Now "just because they make it", may be a reason for some folks to hurry out and buy items for their ride. That's okay, too. More power to them. Eventually you're gonna run outta room for 'stuff' and your pride and joy just might begin to look more like a rolling rummage sale. Still, there are folks who actually enjoy doing this and they can actually carry it off. It's a well-known factoid that many riders are not your average run-of-the-mill Joes. They set their own pace, chart their own course and march to the beat of their own drum, whether you can hear it or not. It's one of our more endearing traits...

But I do tend to be a little finicky when it comes to that. There are areas of my ride which have remained suspiciously devoid of 'bling', to coin a strictly ebonic term. But that's only because I look at Baby as a canvass. A large, hulking, beautiful, powerful, moving canvass. I don't know that there's a specific 'look' that I'm aiming for, but I take my time in locating and selecting items which please me. Which I find will look good on her. They virtually have to leap off the page or screen, if they are to get my attention. I do not purchase items based on say-so, or because someone else thinks they would 'look good'. I certainly don't buy anything because 'someone else has it'. That's also probably one of the very good reasons as to why I don't ride a Harley.

This week has seen a minor flurry of buying on my part. All small items. Themselves perhaps not outrageously striking, but taken together... a step closer to providing the finishing touches for my canvass on wheels. For giving her that finished, seamless appearance. The items I have ordered to date this week are as follows:

A chrome driveshaft cover as well as a chrome cover for the driveshaft nuts.

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/Store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=1137&CategoryID=95&SectionID=1&gvid=2867

Chrome covers for the real axle nuts, inspection cover and differential drain bolt.

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/Store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=8203&CategoryID=96&SectionID=1&gvid=36196

I also purchased a very nice domed, chrome cover for the steering stem nut.

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/Store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=139&CategoryID=96&SectionID=1&gvid=320

The rear shock mount bolts will also receive a nice set of chrome covers.

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/Store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=341&CategoryID=96&SectionID=1&gvid=857

Small touches... innocuous, really... yet the overall impression will be striking. Eventually I will finish her off with a set of chrome frame covers and a chrome cover for the right-hand side swingarm.

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=103&CategoryID=95&SectionID=1&gvid=618

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=494&CategoryID=95&SectionID=1&gvid=1238

Is there anything else...? Well, possibly the addition of a small stainless cover to hide the brake line manifold under the bottom triple tree.

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=188&CategoryID=96&SectionID=1&gvid=444

And of course a set of chrome fork caps.

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/Store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=196&CategoryID=96&SectionID=1&gvid=475

But seriously, that's about it. I don't need any trick mirrors that I can't really see anything out of, or that are the size of a dentists's inspection mirror. I'm not big on having lights illuminating my engine parts or the underside of my bike. My bike is for my enjoyment, not the entertainment of other people. I don't need minuscule turn signals that cars behind or in front of me can't see. I don't need a gimbal-mounted cup holder or even a gps system, although for super long trips, that really wouldn't be a bad addition.

The fine folks at KuryAkyn make a wonderful set of chrome control covers for the handlebar switches, which I may further investigate at some point.

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=337&CategoryID=14&SectionID=1

However with that said, the folks at Show Chrome make a real, honest-to-God set, which you install the switches and wiring into. No mere covers here, but the real deal...

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=107&CategoryID=14&SectionID=1

They also make a beautiful replacement rear lights/license plate bracket, of which I am quite fond as well.
http://www.xtremerevolution.com/store/showproduct.aspx?siteid=1&productid=66&CategoryID=20&SectionID=1&gvid=60553
All in all, it's about the aesthetics. The form, as well as the function. Does it serve a purpose? Does it work well? Is it well made? Does it look good? Would it 'go'...? These are the questions which run through my mind whenever something does catch my eye.

As the well-worn saying goes: "I may not know art... but I know what I like!"

On the movie: "Religulous"...

Last night we were treated (and yes, that's the proper word to use here...) to a viewing of Bill Maher's "Religulous". It has to be one of the best documentaries I have ever watched. Perhaps that's because I share and applaud Bill Maher's view on the world's religions and where they are leading all of us.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religulous

I would highly recommend this movie to anyone, regardless of what faith you profess. In truth, it doesn't matter what faith you claim as your own, because as this film plainly states, they are all man-made, they are all absolute bullshit and they will be responsible for our own self-fulfilling prophecy of destruction.

As with any other movie I have ever seen, I'm not going to bore anyone with what critics' or movie reviewers might have to say. I don't read movie reviews and I actually take offense at those who would promote themselves as 'movie critics'. Like anyone could decide for me "what's worth watching". Gimme a break... I myself thought this movie was very well done and entertaining at the same time. After all... we're talking Bill Maher here... LOL!!

New shoes for Baby...

Fighting my seemingly inherent tendency towards procrastination, I finally ordered a new set of tires for 'Baby'. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Avon (purveyors of wonderfully designed British tyres...), actually markets a 200 series tire for the VTX 1800C. This means simply that the width of the tire is 200mm. The bike comes with a 180 series tire in it's stock configuration. One would think that a tire of this size would be enough...

However in these days of bolt-on 240 series rear end kits and beyond (up to over 300...), the stock 180 tire looks positively anorexic on a bike of this size. As with men's perennial preference in women's backsides, the full, rounded rear end look is still very much "in". Up until only recently, the 200mm tire kit was basically the J-Lo of the bike scene. Then Suzuki introduced the Boulevard M109R, a beast of a cruiser which featured a 240mm rear wheel. In stock configuration! It was the Eva Mendes, nay... the Beyoncé Knowles of cruisers and had the curves to match.

http://www.bikernet.com/news/images/PhotoID20865.jpg

Nowadays, rear end kits are available for bikes in any size up to 320mm. (We're talking Kim Kardashian territory here, fellas...)

http://www.metricfats.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-shopping-cart/product_images/PICT0006.jpg

The major benefit in going a little wider with the rear tire, is simply that it gives the rider more of a 'contact patch' with the road. Sure, it is esthetically more pleasing to the eye as well, but it also enhances the stability and 'planted' feel of the bike. Personally, I couldn't see going any wider than a 240, as I feel there are literally no benefits to be gained from anything wider, unless all you're after is bragging rights. True, there are several conversion kits available for my VTX and other uber-cruiser models, in the 240mm range. These however retail for large amounts of dollars, require structural changes to the rear of the frame (read: chopping off of parts) and also necessitate changing out the rear fender, struts and the saddle. The total cost can top $7,000.00 and that's not counting paint... But holy mother of God do they look sassy...

http://www.xtremerevolution.com/store/images/product/large/1801.jpg

http://www.meancycles.com/images/inventory/glacial/4.jpg

The crux is being able to justify the expense, whether to yourself or your "not-so-understanding" significant other. Unless of course you're one of these poor unfortunates who has entirely too much disposable cash on hand, at any given moment. What would hold me back from such a project, is the fact that there are no 2-up seats made at the moment, for any of these custom fenders which are required to do the conversion. For as much as my better half's interest in riding may very well be waning since my accident, I would be hesitant to convert my ride into a solo cruiser just yet, though that day is no doubt coming.

But I've gone off on a tangent here... (so what's new, right?) I am excited about the prospect of getting this new rubber for Baby. There is nothing finer than a new set of tires. Particularily when your present front tire's contour when looking at it from above, resembles not a smooth arc, but rather a 3-angled valve job. Any tread remaining is now concentrated on the very outer edges of the sidewalls. This signals time to change it out with something a little more, shall we say, utilitarian. This way I won't have to dread the coming of rain, should I be out riding when this occurs.

New tires impart a totally different feel to a bike. It's like when she was brand new again. You'd never get to notice such a difference in a car. With fresh tires, the bike requires no more than a thought to lean into a corner. Steering is a joy. Effortless. It is as though the bike is able to anticipate your movements. The least little contraction of a muscle, the slightest shift of pressure on the grips, will send you sailing off in your intended direction. When cornering, the feeling is solid, safe as you track along the curve's line of travel. Whether the road is dry or wet. The Avons give me this feeling of confidence, of absolute control. They are, in my humble opinion, so much better than the stock Dunlops that come with just about every single bike made in the universe. The Dunnies are shite. You're lucky to get 12,000kms out of a set, regardless of how anal you are in maintaining your tire pressure.

So yes, it is with high anticipation that I await confirmation of my order. I will go down to Ogdensburg, NY to my favorite little UPS Store to pick them up when they arrive. Since motorcycles have only 2 tires keeping them off the road, one learns to pay attention to these. It also seems that the motorcycle industry has reasoned that since we only have 2 wheels, we really oughtta make tires as expensive as possible. After all, it's not like riders are gonna buy 4 tires at a time, so we gotta make our money somehow...

I'll be paying $230.00 (US) for the rear tire and $177.96 (US) for the front one. Yeah, I can hear you cagers (automobile drivers...) out there gasping in horror as you read this. Just think of how expensive they would be if I bought them from a dealer here in Canada!! I'd pay close to $400.00 for the rear tire and over $300.00 for the front one. Then add 14% GST on top of that... Screw them. If you want business from Canadian consumers guys, stop leaning us over your counters and raping us when we try to do business with you. It's really as simple as that... Still, I am very happy about the new tires and the smokin' deal I got on them. God love online shopping and free shipping across all 48 continental States!!