Thursday, December 17, 2009

Some interesting sayings...


"That was/ he looks/ she looks... rougher than a bear turd rolling in fish hooks..."

"She could make a train take a dirt road..."

"A face that could stop a clock..."

"She has to sneak up on a glass of water..."

"Was beat with an ugly stick..."

"She could scare the moss off a rock..."

"Fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down..."

"Breath that could knock a buzzard off a shitwagon..."

"Sweating like a whore in church..."

"Colder than the heart of a Belgian whore..."

"Hotter than a Friday night fuck..."

"Hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock..."

"Hotter than a June bride in a featherbed..."

"Rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock..."

"Slower than molasses runnin' uphill on a cold day..."

"Darker than God's pockets..."

"Dumber than a bag of claw hammers..."

"Drier than a dead dingo's donga..."

"I wouldn't piss on his head if he was on fire..."

"Crazier than a shithouse rat..."

"More tongue than a Mountie's boot..."


"More lip than a coal bucket..."

"More lip than a cow's cunt..."

"Stronger than mule piss with the foam farted off..."

"Finer than frog hair..."

"Drunker than a cowboy on Saturday night..."

"Slicker than cat shit on a linoleum floor." Redd Foxx

"Richer than six foot up a bull's ass..."

"Tighter than a bull's ass on fight night..."

"Tighter than a bull's ass during fly season..."

"Shaking like a dog fuckin' a keg of nails..."

"Shivering like a dog shitting razor blades..."

"Hunched over like a dog fucking a football..."

"Grinnin' like a possum eatin' shit out of a light socket..."

"Nervous as a dog shittin' peach pits..."

"Funnier than homemade dog shit..."

"No bigger than a pint of piss..."

"Queerer than a three dollar bill..."

"Smoother than a baby's ass..."

"Funnier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest..."

"Funnier than a one legged midget in an ass-kicking contest..."

"Funnier than a midget toss..."

"Busier than a one-armed paperhanger with the crabs..."

"Hornier than a two-peckered billy goat..."

"Fatter than a shithouse spider..."

"Slicker than the devil in velvet pants..."

"Sharp as a bowling ball..."

"Slicker than two eels fuckin' in a bucket of snot..."

"Standing there like a heifer in heat..."

"Grinnin' like a cat eatin' shit out of a hairbrush..."

"Slicker than shit through a tinhorn..."

"Colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere..."

"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey..."

"Colder than a well digger's ass..."

"Colder than Grampa's prick..."

"Happier than a pig in shit..."

"Hotter than the hinges of Hell...", or the original:

"Hotter than the hobs of Hell..."

"Tighter than the bark on a tree..."

"Shinnin' like a diamond in a goat's ass..."

"As graceful as a deflated basketball..."

"Darker than inside a cow..."

"Grinning' like a shit eatin' possum..."

"Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine..."

"Happier than Michael Jackson in Boys' Town..."

"Hornier than a three-balled tomcat..."

"Hungry enough to eat the ass out of a skunk..."

"Prettier than puppy turds..." (Really, really, really pretty!)

"Smarter than a tree full of owls..."

"Faster than a cat can lick its ass..."

"Meaner than cat shit..."

"Sucks like a bucket of ticks..."

"Nervous as a whore in church..."

"Hungrier than a gutted snow bird..."

"Tougher than a 10-year-old rooster..."

"Weaker than puppy piss..."

"Faster than a dog can raise his leg..."

"Excited as a blind lesbian in a tuna cannery..."

"Louder than two skeletons fuckin' on a tin roof..."

"Slicker than greased owl shit..."

"Slicker than snot on a glass door knob..."

"Tighter than a crab's ass..." (That's waterproof, folks).

"Wilder than a peach orchard boar..."

"Worthless as a cup of cold piss..."

"Ugly enough to scare a bulldog off a gut wagon..."

"Drier than a popcorn fart..."

"Drier than sand..."

"Hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire..."

"Uglier than death with a hangover..."

"Funnier than a fart in a space suit..."

"Funnier than Ex-Lax in a diarrhea ward..."

"Uglier than a dead monkey in moonlight..."

"Funnier than a pay toilet in the diarrhea ward..."

"Funnier than parents' night at the orphanage..."

"Confusing as Fathers Day in the projects..."

**************************

There are of course dozens more, no doubt. But it's Thursday and I'm lazy today.

So... there you have it. :)



4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awesome

darlene said...

Haven't seen this one in a while....crazier than owl shit in August....basically means unbalanced. I find it interesting

ladysalesdog said...

I made up a couple of these, really. In fact they are in my book Talking Trash. In any event, I'm honored.

charles struble said...

Crazier than Sol Dab... "Who is Saul dab?" Oh she's just some ol' gal that showed her ass to a dead bird... Thats fuckin crazy ain't it...