Thursday, January 8, 2009

Of bran muffins and diets...

An 85 year old couple had been married for 60 years. They weren't well off, but had saved whatever they could over the years.

At their age they were still in good health, the wife having insisted over the last 20 years, on healthy foods and regular exercise.

For all this however, as they were in flight on a rare vacation, their plane went down and they were both killed in the crash. They found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates, as St. Peter welcomed them to Heaven.

He escorted them to a magnificent ch√Ęteau, gilt in gold trimmings and richly decorated. The rooms were vast, the kitchen filled with all manner of delicious foods... Why, the bathroom even had it's own waterfall…

They saw an angel arranging fine garments in their closets for them.

"Welcome to Heaven", boomed St. Peter. "This is now your new home!"

The old man asked St. Peter: "And how much will all of this cost us?"

St. Peter replied: "What? Why, absolutely nothing! This is Heaven and this is your reward for the life you have led!"

The old man gazed appreciatively out of the window and beheld the most stunning golf course he had ever seen. Certainly nothing on Earth could ever compare.

"Ohhhh… What a marvellous golf course!!", he exclaimed. "And what are the dues for playing there???", he asked St. Peter.

Again, St. Peter replied with a smile: "My dear fellow, this is Heaven. You may play there at any time you wish, at absolutely no cost whatsoever!"

St.Peter then escorted them to the Club House, where there was a sumptuous buffet laid out. The finest of foods, seafood, steak, exotic desserts and fruits, drinks of every kind abounded.

"Please… do not ask me", St. Peter said. "For this is Heaven and all of this is yours. Eat, drink as much as you desire!"

The old man looked around him, enthralled. Then he looked nervously at his wife and asked: "Ummm… and where is the table with the low-calorie, low-cholesterol, no-sugar foods, the de-caffeinated coffee…?"

St. Peter smiled at them both and said: "This is one of the best aspects of being in Heaven, my dear ones. Never will you gain an ounce of weight or be negatively affected by anything you choose to eat or drinkl. No more scales, no more weight gain, no more dieting. Simply enjoy the bounty which is provided for you!"

The old fellow was incredulous.

"But what about exercise regimes to stay in shape?"

'None required, unless of course you want to", St. Peter said.

"You mean no more blood sugar tests? No more blood pressure cuffs?"

"Never again. All you have to do from now on is to enjoy yourself", St. Peter said. "This is after all, Heaven…".

The old man stared accusingly at his wife and then said:

"You and your bran muffins, your diets and your bloody exercising!

Christ! We could have been here 10 years ago!!!"

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