Tuesday, January 13, 2009

So you know the difference, huh?

I received 'one of those calls' this afternoon. It was a young French lad from Jonquière, QC who had just appropriated a boat and wanted to "register the boat in his name". I asked him how long the boat was. He answered: "19 feet... it's just a small boat". So I then paraphrased his request as follows:

"So if I understand correctly, you are in fact looking to license your..."

"No", he cut me off. "I don't want a license, I want to register it in my name".

"And... you know the difference between licensing a pleasure craft and vessel registration, do you?", I asked.

"Yes", he stated quite firmly, in what I imagined was his best 'snotty' voice.

"Weeee-llllll...", I thought to myself, "aren't we the little prick today!" Okay... we'll play...

"Very well", I continued, having lowered the temperature of my voice to that of the heart of a Belgian whore's. "The information I have here comes from Transport Canada's Vessel Registration program. They are the government entity which registers pleasure craft and small commercial vessels in Canada. They are also the ones who maintain the Canadian Register of flagged vessels. I have the address for their national office, located right here in Ottawa, ON... a toll-free national phone number...and a website..."

"Do they not have a regional office...?", he started to protest.

"No, they do not...". It was my turn to cut him short. For vessel registration, I have but one address. That is for their national office in Ottawa, ON. Their toll-free number is 1-877-242-8770... there is a telemessage when the line picks up and the hours vary when their officers are available on that line".

"Did you want their website as well?", I offered... sounding impossibly generous.

"No...", he replied. "That will be all...".

"Good day!" I ended cheerily.


Now, Buck-O me boy... Once you finally get a live voice on that line, you can try pulling the same shit with them. They'll send you packing back to Service Canada so fast it'll make your head spin, when they finally realize that you're another of these pompous morons who doesn't know the first thing about boats and are actually looking to license your boat, like the first nice gentleman tried to tell you...

Some people's kids... ya just wanna stab them in the eye!

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